Friday, February 18, 2011

NOT a beautiful mess


This is what my husband's office currently looks like. Believe it or not, this is actually a vast improvement from months past. Once upon a time (a month or two ago) boxes lined the walls, and there was no hint of organization. Today boxes only line one wall (2 or three deep) and a desk now holds some semblance of order.
We have lived in our house for nearly 8 months. The majority of those months Ben was not otherwise engaged (with work or flight school or anything really). Yet our office continued to look like this. Now he has started flight school, kissed every bit of his free time good bye, and I am left with this mess.
Today I went in there to look for an important document to scan for some of that annoying life paperwork we all deal with. After a fruitless search I burst into tears, furious with Ben for not putting his office in order before getting too busy, but mostly furious with myself. I felt helpless and out of control in "his" mess. Yet "his" mess is also my responsibility because my important documents are lost in its midst.
It was then that God whispered to me in one of those oh-so-annoying teachable moments. As in this physical mess, I often feel so overwhelmed and out of control with the mess of my life and sin and disobedience that I just want to give up and wallow in it. I move nowhere because I don't know where to start, much less have any idea of where I want to end up. God reminded me that though I made the mess, he has already started cleaning it up. "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:6
It is comforting to know that God has already started sorting out the mess of my life, organizing and sorting and making beautiful what I have trashed. I need not throw up my hands in frustration or defeat but rather turn to the perfecter of my life.
The teachable moment left me with a small smile and a sigh, but the office is still a mess, and I still cannot find my document, and my husband is scheduled to be busy until we move out. I am praying that I will not have to wait until the day of Jesus Christ to see order in my husband's office again.